Category: First time
Rating: NC 17
Summary: This story is a sequel to Perambulation of the Atlanteans. John, Rodney, and a screening of Brokeback Mountain.
"Gay cowboys. First penguins, now gay cowboys," Rodney said.
"And still no Star Wars," John agreed mournfully. "Or Batman Begins."
Rodney glanced at him as they walked toward Atlantis' makeshift theater. "We have got to stop letting Elizabeth choose the movies. And how did a movie about gay cowboys become a chick flick, anyway?"
John shrugged. "For the same reason men like movies about lesbians?"
"Men like movies about lesbians because they have twice as many breasts. And because women kissing is really hot."
"How do you know men kissing isn't hot?" John asked.
Rodney couldn't believe he actually had to explain this to John. "Because they're men, and men aren't hot."
"To other men. Unless they're men who like men, in which case they are, not that there's anything wrong with that."
John rolled his eyes. "Glad to know you're so open-minded."
"Of course I'm open-minded. I’m Canadian."
They were at the door, and John reached out, stopping him from entering. "Just remember, no talking during the movie. I am not losing my movie privileges because of you."
"Elizabeth would never take your movie privileges away."
"She might take yours," John pointed out.
Rodney simply stepped past him and into the theater. As expected, it was filled with women. "I think every woman in Atlantis is here," he whispered as he and John sat near the back.
"Cadman changed the duty roster so she could come," John said.
"I'm sure Carson loved that."
"He might. After the movie."
"Now that is an image I did not need," Rodney said, turning to scowl at John.
John simply grinned at him. "Hey, at least he's getting some."
Rodney scowled some more. The last thing he needed to be reminded of was his lack of a love life. Before he could come up with a suitable reply the lights dimmed.
John leaned into him. "Remember, no talking."
"I'm not talking. You are."
"Well see that you don't start," John said.
Rodney tried to scowl at him again, but it wasn't any use. John's eyes were on the screen. Sighing, he turned to watch the movie.
"That was depressing," Rodney said as soon as they were out of the theater. He hated the thought of Ennis doomed to a life of solitude and poverty. He blinked several times. It was really annoying how the change in lighting was making his eyes water.
"He has his daughters," John said.
"Who will leave him for college and husbands and lives of their own."
"I think they'll take care of him."
"Still." Rodney liked films with happy endings. If the damned movie was just going to replicate real life what was the point.
"Coffee or something stronger?" John asked.
Rodney didn't even have to think about it. "Stronger."
They didn't say anything more until they'd reached John's quarters where John handed him a glass of the Scotch like stuff they'd traded for on PU8-542 before sitting beside Rodney on the small couch.
Rodney took a sip, then rested the glass on his knee. "You ever think about ending up alone?"
"Sometimes. Although the whole road-not-taken thing depressed me more."
"Mmmm, that was pretty depressing. Nothing to look forward to but years of wondering if your life could have been different, if you could have spent it with the person you loved." He paused. "Make that extremely depressing."
"Yup," John said and took a drink.
"The kiss was kind of hot," Rodney mused after a couple of minutes of silence. "I don't think I've ever kissed anyone like that, with all that desperation."
"I have," John said quietly, adding when Rodney glanced at him. "Once."
Rodney was tempted to ask for details, but John didn't look like he wanted to talk about it. "Is there a road you didn't take?" he asked instead.
John snorted. "Plenty."
"Do you regret it?" Rodney didn't regret any of his decisions, not since coming to Atlantis. Well, maybe one or two of the ones he'd made here, but none from before.
Instead of answering, John slowly shifted his gaze from his glass to Rodney's face. "Did you like the kiss?"
"You're dodging the question," Rodney said, frowning because John was usually more subtle than that.
"I'll answer yours if you answer mine."
Trying to figure out why John had asked about the kiss, Rodney said, "I already said it was kind of hot."
"Kind of?" John asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Okay, it was hot. Your turn."
John's eyes darted away from Rodney's face and then returned. "I have one regret. The thing is I could change it, but I don't know if I'll just end up with more regrets if I do."
Rodney considered that. "So there is something you're considering doing, but haven't because you're afraid that it'll turn out badly and you'll end up regretting doing it, even though you currently regret not doing it."
"Exactly," John said, pointing at him with the index finger of the hand holding his drink.
"I'd do it," Rodney said after a moment's thought.
"You don't know what it is." John leaned down to put his drink on the floor.
"Well, no. But if you do this thing and it works out will it make you happier than you are now?"
Rodney nodded. "Then you should definitely do it."
"If I do, will you promise me that you won't get mad?"
"Why would I get mad about something that might make you happy? Wait, you aren't going to ask out Katie, are you? Because dating a friend's ex is--"
"I'm not going to ask out Katie."
"Oh, okay." Rodney studied John's face, trying to figure out what this thing was. "Well, I was going to say that I wouldn't get mad if you did."
"I'm going to ask if I can kiss you."
Rodney's jaw dropped. A great many surprising things had happened to him in the Pegasus Galaxy, not the least of which was almost dying--multiple times-- but he was pretty sure this was the first time his jaw had dropped open. "You, you're going to ask if you can kiss me."
John was watching him carefully, very carefully. Rodney tried to look away, but his eyes shifted right back. "I am, if you don't mind."
"The asking or the kissing?"
"I… I…" Rodney gave up trying to answer, because he didn't know if he minded. He was still trying to get his brain around the idea that John wanted to kiss him. "You really want to kiss me, or do you just want to ask?"
"Kiss you. That's kind of the point of asking."
"Is this some weird Brokeback thing? I don't know, like see the movie decide to kiss another guy."
John shook his head. "I've kissed guys before."
"Was the desperate kiss a guy?"
John nodded again and inched a little closer to Rodney. "I really want to kiss you," he said, touching the side of Rodney's neck with his fingers.
Rodney startled a little. John was touching him, and not the way friends touched. And he was looking at Rodney with an expression that was hopeful and scared at the same time. He'd made John scared. Which made him a little scared. "Okay," he said, knowing he sounded as anxious as he felt.
"Okay." John didn’t move, except to lick his lips a little.
"It might have been easier if you hadn’t asked and just done it, instead." Because that way Rodney wouldn't have had time to form knots in his stomach.
"Maybe," John agreed. Then he muttered, "Screw it," and leaned in. His lips brushed Rodney's so lightly and so hesitantly that Rodney almost didn't feel it.
"That was nice," Rodney said after a moment of John gazing expectantly at him.
"Yeah?" John asked, eyebrows furrowing. "So can I?" He pointed at himself then Rodney.
Rodney drew in a deep breath. "Sure." He'd already said yes, after all, and it wasn't as though he'd been able to really feel the first kiss.
John leaned in again, and this time Rodney felt John's lips press into his, wonderfully soft. Before John could pull back, Rodney cupped the back of John's neck in his hand, keeping him from moving. An odd, surprised but happy sound escaped John's lips just as Rodney's mouth touched his.
This kiss was longer. A lot longer, because every time they parted they immediately moved back together. There was a surprising sweetness in the feel of John's lips against his, and Rodney couldn't get enough of it. When the kiss grew deeper, when John parted his lips and let Rodney slip inside, Rodney felt a surge of desire so strong it made him groan.
Breaking the kiss, he dropped his head to John's shoulder.
"Rodney?" John whispered, one hand coming up to rest on his back.
"You turn me on."
"That's good, right?"
"I don't know, is it?"
"I think so," John said, stroking Rodney's back with his hand. Rodney suspected he was copping a bit of a feel.
"You don't?" John sounded unhappy about that. "You aren't freaking out on me, are you?"
"Of course not." He wasn't freaking out just because he liked kissing John. That would be ridiculous. "Maybe."
"Now you know why I hesitated."
Rodney lifted his head. "Because I might freak out?"
"Pretty much," John said with a nod.
Rodney considered pointing out that he didn't freak out, he panicked, slightly, and only when the situation merited it. But that would just lead to a debate over semantics, and John always seemed to win those. "What's sex like? With a guy." The sex in the movie hadn't seemed all that good to Rodney, although the kissing had.
"Depends on the guy. It's like with a woman; it's whatever the two of you make it."
He nodded. That made sense, he supposed. "I'm not sure I'm ready for that."
"That's okay." John brushed his fingers across Rodney's cheek. "You don't have to be. We have time."
Of course John would be all chivalrous about it. Rodney was too relieved to be annoyed. "I should…" He pointed over his shoulder at the door.
They both stood, John following Rodney to the door. "Thanks for the drink," Rodney said, handing John the glass he still hadn't put down.
"You're welcome. I'll see you tomorrow."
"We have a briefing at ten."
"Right," John said with a single nod.
Rodney kissed him again, just because John looked like he needed it. Then he left.
He was almost to his quarters when he turned around.
John answered the door with his gun off, a toothbrush in his mouth, and toothpaste foam on his lips.
"Ennis was an idiot," Rodney said, stepping inside. "He should have gone with Jack." When John simply stared at him, Rodney pointed at his own mouth, drawing a circle with his finger. "Could you?"
Taking his toothbrush from his mouth, John said, "Sure," and headed back to the bathroom.
Rodney followed, standing in the doorway as John bent over the sink and scooped water into his mouth. "He could have been happy. Sure it was a risk, but everything we do is a risk. Look at us. Every time we go through the gate, there's a chance we might not come back. Risk is part of life. Right? Right?"
John dried his mouth with a towel. "Right."
"Right. So I think we should risk it." Because if they didn't risk it, they'd go through the gate tomorrow, and maybe one of them wouldn't come back, and Rodney wouldn't know what it would have been like, what he could have had. "The sex thing. If you want to risk it, that is."
John's smile was so broad Rodney thought it might actually be broader than his face, and he frowned, trying to figure out the geometry behind such a thing. John's smile started to fade. "Rodney? Something wrong?"
"Mmm?" Rodney raised his gaze from John's mouth to his eyes. "No, why do you ask?"
"You were frowning."
"Oh. I was just trying to figure out your…" Rodney pointed at John's mouth and then his own, stretching out his lips as he pointed.
"Nevermind. So this sex thing, what does it involve?"
"Whatever we want it to."
"So, we don't have to…" He waved his hand around.
"Fuck? No. There's lots of stuff we can do."
He'd never heard John say the word fuck before and for a moment he wondered why, but then he refocused on the issue at hand. "You mean foreplay."
"No, Rodney, I mean sex. Fun, messy, makes-you-feel-really-good sex."
"I like sex."
"Me too," John said, stepping toward him, until he was close enough to lean down and press his lips to Rodney's.
Kissing John while standing was different than it had been sitting down. For one thing, John was taller than he was and Rodney had to tilt his head slightly. Even weirder was the feel of John's body pressed against his. Where women were curvy, John was flat, and Rodney thought maybe he should miss the feel of breasts pressing against his chest, but he didn't.
John's kisses were different too, focused, intent, like he was concentrating on making each kiss the best one Rodney had ever had. Rodney thought he might be succeeding. He tightened his hold on John, pulling him closer. The muscles under his hands were John's, and it was John's body he was pressing against as though he couldn't get close enough.
And that was John's cock pressing against his. Hard, just like Rodney's. Rodney shifted his hips, rubbing, feeling John's cock with his own.
"You're hard," John whispered, nuzzling the side of Rodney's neck, his whiskers scraping softly against Rodney's skin.
Rodney tilted his head to the side, exposing more of his neck, wanting John to kiss him there too. "So are you."
Since John still hadn't kissed his neck, Rodney decided to show him what to do. Tilting his head to the side, he pressed his lips to the base of John's neck, just above the collar of his shirt. Closing his mouth, he drew a bit of John's skin in, tasted it, sucked it lightly and then let it go so he could repeat the process a little further up.
John let out a soft "oh."
Encouraged, Rodney kept going, kissing and tasting his way to the place beneath John's ear. John moved his head, angling it toward Rodney's mouth, and Rodney took the hint, sucking on John's earlobe.
When John's hips pushed forward, rubbing John's cock against his, Rodney whispered, "So do you have a whole ear thing or is it just the lobe?"
John shook his head. "I'm not telling. You'll have to find out on your own."
"I can do that." Rodney breathed the words into John's ear, delighted when he felt a slight shudder pass through John. "Just so you know, I have a neck thing."
"Do you?" John asked, his voice low and dirty.
"Good to know." John nuzzled his neck again, still not kissing, teasing him. "Any other places I should know about?"
"My dick is pretty sensitive."
John chuckled and the sound went right through Rodney. "Oddly, mine is too."
"Coincidence," Rodney said.
"A lucky one."
Rodney pulled back until he could see John's face and smiled. "Very lucky."
John nodded, breaking out into a smile of his own. Then he kissed Rodney again, and Rodney tightened his arms around John's shoulders, holding on as the kiss got deeper and wilder, and he found himself caught up in want. John's want, for him, John wanted him. He'd known that, sort of, but now he was feeling it.
The kiss ended with a series of lighter, briefer kisses, like neither of them could actually bear to end it. Somehow John's hands had gotten under his shirt; they were warm on the skin of his back, and Rodney wanted John's hands everywhere. Wanted them all over him, wanted to move his all over John.
Taking hold of his shirt, he tugged it over his head. Then he reached for John's. John let go of him long enough for Rodney to pull the shirt off and drop it to the floor. Then he touched Rodney again, resting his hands on Rodney's bare waist.
Rodney slid a hand down the center of John's chest. It was covered with soft, dark hair. He'd seen John's chest before. He'd known that. Known about the hair, anyway. What he hadn't known was how soft it would feel, or the way it would curl around his fingers, or the way John would look at Rodney's hand as he touched.
Tempted by the sight of John's nipple, he brushed his fingers over it.
"You're touching me," John whispered.
Shifting his gaze from John's chest to his face, Rodney smiled. "Yeah, I am. You feel pretty good."
John rested his forehead on Rodney's and moved one hand slowly up Rodney's chest. "So do you."
"You should have told me. I mean, you could have just said, 'hey, Rodney, if we take off our clothes and touch each other it'll feel really good. Want to try it?'"
John laughed, but it was short and breathless. "I'll remember that for next time."
"I'm pretty sure it'll work."
"Especially if I offer to touch your dick, it being so sensitive and all."
"That would definitely work," Rodney agreed. "Particularly if I have memories of you having touched it previously."
John slid his hand lower, down to Rodney's cock, and cupped it through Rodney's pants. "Like now?"
"Now works," Rodney said, his voice a little higher than usual.
"It'd work better if your pants were off."
Rodney immediately let go of John and began undoing his pants.
"Here, sit," John said, placing his hands on Rodney's upper arms and guiding him back toward the bed.
Rodney sat and John squatted down, untying Rodney's shoes with a quick tug. Pulling Rodney's shoes off, he smiled and said, "Makes it easier to take your pants off, if you take these off first."
"I suppose," Rodney grudgingly agreed.
Tugging one of Rodney's socks off, John tickled the bottom of his foot.
Rodney jerked his foot away. "Hey."
John removed his other sock, then stood. Rodney stood, too, and together they pushed Rodney's pants to the floor. John reached for his boxers, but Rodney stopped him. "You first."
"Okay," John said with a grin. He toed off his shoes without untying them, and then rested a hand on Rodney's shoulder as he lifted a foot and peeled off a sock. When both socks were gone, he reached for the fastenings on his pants. Pushing them to the floor, he kicked them off and stood in front of Rodney, hands on his hips. "Better?"
"You're still wearing your boxers," Rodney answered, staring at the way John's boxers were tenting.
"So are you."
"I'll take off mine if you take off yours."
"Deal," John said.
Rodney took hold of the waistband of his boxers. Naked with John. He could handle being naked with John. "Wait."
But John's boxers were already around his thighs, and Rodney found his eyes riveted to the sight of John's cock, hard and pointing at him as if he had something to do with its hardness, which he did. Without stopping to think about it, he reached out, wrapping his hand around it.
John made a soft sound and closed his eyes, still bent forward, his hands on his boxers.
John's cock felt good in his hand, warm and smooth, and Rodney slid his hand downward and then back up.
"Rodney," John whispered, letting go of his own boxers and curling a hand around Rodney's cock through his boxers. "Let's get rid of these, please."
"You mean our boxers, I hope."
"Yes, I mean our boxers," John answered with another of those really wide smiles.
Rodney kissed him. He'd meant it to be a quick kiss, but John's mouth felt so good that Rodney had trouble ending it.
John removed Rodney's boxers as soon as the kiss ended, stretching them over Rodney's erection and then pushing them down. When Rodney was naked, John finished removing his own. Turning, he climbed onto the bed, giving Rodney a full view of his ass. When he turned onto his back, Rodney was tempted to tell him to turn back over so Rodney could look a bit longer.
Resting his weight on one elbow, his parted legs giving Rodney a clear view of his cock and balls, John looked at him expectantly.
Swallowing, Rodney climbed onto the bed.
John touched his cheek before kissing him.
Rodney groaned, and John lay back, pulling Rodney with him. They were lying together. Naked. Gloriously, wonderfully naked. John's skin was warm and soft against his, welcoming. His cock was pressing into John's hip and Rodney slid his leg between John's until he could feel John's cock against his thigh.
They were still kissing, and Rodney moved his hand over John, feeling his side and as much of John's chest as he could.
John touched him, too.
It was good; it was really good, too good to last. "John," he whispered, surprised at the need in his voice.
John didn't answer. Instead, he turned Rodney onto his back and settled between Rodney's willingly parted thighs. He kissed the side of Rodney's neck, sucking hard enough to send pleasure sliding through Rodney, but not hard enough to mark.
Rodney arched, lifting his hips toward John. Reaching between them, John wrapped his hand around both of their cocks. "Oh," Rodney groaned, staring down at John's hand and their cocks. "That's…"
"Hot?" John suggested, kissing the place just under Rodney's ear.
"Yes. Can I…" Rodney placed his hand above John's.
"You are," John said softly and kissed him again, slow and easy.
It was all so sensual, skin and touching and easy kisses. Rodney wanted to ask John if sex was always like this for him, but he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.
"You have a nice cock," John said, his eyes on their hands and cocks.
"So do you."
"I like touching it."
"Me, too, yours, I mean. Not that I haven't touched mine."
John grinned at him, a mischievous glint in his eye, and Rodney was about to ask what he was thinking when John's hand brushed just the right place on his cock, startling Rodney into a moan.
Letting go of his own cock, causing Rodney to let go too, John began to stroke Rodney in earnest, his hand moving steadily up and down. He watched Rodney's face as he tried different things, changing the pace of his strokes, the tightness of his grip.
Rodney stared at him, watching John concentrate completely on getting him off, but it was working too well, and soon his eyes lost focus. The pleasure was building, John's hand taking him closer and closer.
"John," Rodney said, gripping John's shoulder, feeling John's muscles shift as he stroked.
Then he was there. Everything coming apart as the pleasure overwhelmed him.
Panting, he stared up at John, who was grinning like some kind of cat. Not that Rodney had ever seen a cat grin. "You…"
"Yup, I did."
John sounded so pleased with himself that Rodney had to lean up enough to kiss him. It was his turn now, and that thought wasn't as crazy as it should have been. Closing his hand around John's cock, he began to stroke.
"Rodney," John whispered, dropping his head.
"My hand is on your cock," Rodney whispered back.
"I noticed that."
"Does it feel good?"
"Yes," John answered, so breathlessly that Rodney believed him.
He wanted John to feel good, and he stroked steadily, watching John's reactions.
"Faster," John murmured, and Rodney did it faster, tightening his grip a little. Apparently, it was the right thing to do, because after just a few strokes, John groaned and came, his fluid landing in spurts all over Rodney's chest and stomach, mingling with Rodney's own fluid.
"Oh, man," John said, still breathing hard, and lowered himself so that he was lying half on Rodney, half on the bed. "That was good."
"It was, wasn't it?" Rodney said, his arm closing automatically around John's shoulders. John lifted his face toward Rodney's and Rodney kissed him. "Kind of messy."
"Good sex always is," John answered, wrapping an arm around Rodney's waist, apparently not caring that he was resting it in the come which had landed there.
"Thank you. So if I remind you how good this was tomorrow, we can do it again?"
"Forget tomorrow. Remind me in an hour."
John grinned. "I can do that."
Rodney liked the thought of John reminding him, of them doing this all over again, and maybe a few other things, too. He was definitely going to have to rethink the whole question of guys being hot, or at least John. "So what do you think? Was Ennis a fool?"
"I think he was scared."
"I'd be scared of being beaten to death too," Rodney said.
Rodney felt John shake his head. "I think he was scared of loving Jack."
There hadn't been many people in his life that he'd loved, but Rodney could see where it would be scary. "Good thing we're so brave," he said, trying to sound like it wasn't one of the bravest things he'd ever said.
"Good thing," John agreed, giving him a quick squeeze. "You know what?" He lifted his face so they were looking at one another again. "We feel really good together naked."
"Wow, that hour went by fast."
John shifted so he was gazing down at Rodney. "It did," he said with a serious nod. "Maybe later you should check on the status of the whole space-time continuum, make sure it's functioning properly."
"I'll do that. Later."
"Much later," John said, just before his lips touched Rodney's.
Rodney was too busy kissing him back to answer.
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